Thanksgiving can be magical: full of food, family, and that warm feeling of “we’re all doing our best.” Here’s how to keep things peaceful, tasty, and not emotionally radioactive.
Step 1: Arrive Like a Reasonably Normal Person
Show up on time. Not early enough to catch the host in “I’m still in my sweatpants and nothing is ready” mode, and not so late that they had time to assume you perished in traffic. Bring something useful, like drinks, pie, or rolls. Do not bring experimental casseroles or salads described as “creative.”
Step 2: Compliment the Cook, No Matter What
Even if the turkey looks like it survived a small house fire, say something nice. Compliment the aromas. Praise the effort. Pretend the stuffing is perfect even if it’s crunchier than gravel. The golden rule is simple: if you didn’t cook it, you don’t get to roast it.
Step 3: Avoid the Nuclear Topics
Thanksgiving dinner is not the time for:
• politics (oldie but goodie)
• conspiracy theories
• old grudges
• “what really happened in 1998”
• relationship interrogations
• financial advice no one asked for
Stick to safe topics like pets, movies, weather, and pretending you understand how football works.
Step 4: Eat Like a Civilized Human
Don’t grab the last roll without asking. Don’t critique the mashed potatoes like a reality TV judge. Don’t narrate every bite. And for the love of cranberry sauce, chew with your mouth closed. If there’s a dish you hate, just take a microscopic portion and let it quietly exist on your plate like a polite hostage.
Step 5: Help Without Causing Damage
Offer to assist, but don’t turn the kitchen into a war zone. Dry dishes, carry plates, refill drinks. Avoid volunteering for tasks that require coordination or skill if you lack both. And whatever you do, don’t rearrange the spice cabinet “just because it felt chaotic.”
Step 6: End the Day Gracefully
Say thank you. Mean it. Help clean a little before leaving. Pack your leftovers politely (not aggressively). Hug your relatives if that’s your thing. Wave goodbye like a sane person. Resist the urge to say, “Let’s do this every month,” because absolutely no one wants that.
